Nick Cordero’s Wife Amanda Kloots Says She ‘Cried All Day’ as He Remains in ICU: ‘I Broke Big Time’
Amanda Kloots is feeling very emotional amid her husband Nick Cordero’s recovery from coronavirus (COVID-19)
Amanda Kloots is feeling very emotional amid her husband Nick Cordero’s recovery from coronavirus (COVID-19) complications.
On Monday night, Kloots shared that she had an “outburst” as the 41-year-old Broadway star spent his 89th day in the intensive care unit, writing in a lengthy note on her Instagram Stories: “I had a hard day today. I cried all day basically.”
In the post, the fitness instructor — who shares 12-month-old son Elvis Eduardo with Cordero — revealed that she even started questioning her faith during her breakdown.
“I got mad today too. I got mad at God. I’m praying and I have people all over the world praying. I said to my mom and dad, ‘Why can’t He throw us a bone. I’m sorry but I’m mad at him,’ ” she wrote. “I felt bad right after my outburst, but it needed to come out.”
RELATED: Nick Cordero’s Wife Says She’s Been ‘Told to Say Goodbye’ But Is Still Fighting as He Gets ‘Slightly Better’
“Believing in God doesn’t mean you can’t question what’s happening. Why things happen? Why my prayers aren’t being answered in my time,” Kloots wrote. “I was taught it is ok to question things in life. I think being brave enough to say it out loud actually acknowledges the fear that you have deep down inside you. And, of course, I have it. It’s impossible not to.”
“I broke down big time today; at home, at the hospital in front of the doctors and while sitting next to Nick,” she admitted. “I couldn’t keep it together.”
RELATED: Nick Cordero’s Wife Breaks Down in Tears as She Reveals His Condition Is ‘Going Downhill’
The mother of one went on to ask herself how to “overcome it and stay positive.”
“I acknowledge the day I had. It’s ok. It’s ok to cry, to get mad and say it’s not fair,” she said. “I will keep my faith and keep asking for miracles. I will put my armor back on and walk taller tomorrow. I will do the best I can do and make myself as big as I can.”
“This, these 89 days now, have been tough. I broke today. I’ll be back tomorrow,” Kloots continued.
“God doesn’t expect me to be perfect. He doesn’t expect anyone too.”
RELATED: Nick Cordero’s Wife Says He Has Lost 65 Lbs. Since Hospitalization: ‘He’s So Weak’
Kloots previously touched on the frustrating setbacks her husband has faced amid his hospitalization, telling her followers that although Cordero is doing “okay” in his recovery, he’s currently “in this vicious ICU dance circle, where one thing goes right and another thing goes wrong, and the thing that was wrong goes right but the thing that goes right then goes wrong.”
“To me, right now, it’s just like, ‘How do we get out of this vicious circle — this circle of the ICU?’ ” she said on her Instagram Stories on Sunday night, adding that Cordero has been experiencing “carbon dioxide problems” and “blood pressure issues” lately.
“We kind of really need those things to get sorted in order to move forward,” she said. “I’m hoping — and I’m keeping the faith — that this week those things happen, that we see some sort of advancement.”
Noam Galai/Getty Amanda Kloots and Nick Cordero with son Elvis Eduardo
Last week, Kloots told fans that Cordero’s hospitalization has taken an extreme toll on him and it’ll be a “long time” before her husband will be to full health. According to her, the actor currently can only move his eyes and part of his jaw due to his fragile state.
“Nick is profoundly weak. Imagine how you feel getting the flu and how it can take your body a full week to recover. Now imagine how Nick’s body feels, all that he has gone through and how long it will take him to recover. This will take time, a long time,” she shared on Thursday, alongside a photograph of the pair standing side-by-side.
Never miss a story — sign up for PEOPLE’s free weekly newsletter to get the biggest news of the week delivered to your inbox every Friday.
“I give him any and all energy I can. I tell him goals that the doctors would like to see. I insist that he CAN do this!” Kloots added. “People may look at me like I’m crazy. They may think that I don’t fully understand his condition because I’m smiling and singing in his room every day. I’m just not going to mope around and feel sad for myself or him. That is not what Nick would want me to do. That is not my personality. I fight and I will continue to fight for Nick every single day.”
Cordero was first admitted to the hospital in late March for what was initially believed to be pneumonia. He was then diagnosed with COVID-19 and has since experienced a number of complications, including lung infections and septic shock.
Amid Cordero’s hospitalization, he also had his right leg amputated and received a temporary pacemaker for his heart.
A GoFundMe page has been created to raise funds for his medical bills.
As information about the coronavirus pandemic rapidly changes, PEOPLE is committed to providing the most recent data in our coverage. Some of the information in this story may have changed after publication. For the latest on COVID-19, readers are encouraged to use online resources from CDC, WHO, and local public health departments. PEOPLE has partnered with GoFundMe to raise money for the COVID-19 Relief Fund, a GoFundMe.org fundraiser to support everything from frontline responders to families in need, as well as organizations helping communities. For more information or to donate, click here.