One sunny day in May, a man named Ashrita Furman took a samurai sword and sliced 31 watermelons open on his own stomach in under one minute, making it one of 600 times he has set a Guinness World Record.
I have set zero Guinness World Records, but I’ve been thinking about how much I have in common with Furman lately, whom I first learned about in a New Yorker profile in 2011, which stated, “He has never driven a car, and he is celibate.”
But that’s me, I thought, taking a swig of skim milk and checking my powder-blue Baby-G watch to make sure I wasn’t missing Gossip Girl. “I don’t know how to drive a car. I’ve never had sex with anyone.”
Almost 10 years later, I’m exactly where I was when I first read about Furman: living in my parents’ house, still totally unable to